When it comes to treats for your sweet on Valentine’s Day, chocolate is passe.

I smell sex and…bacon?

I’m sure referencing Marcy Playground’s “Sex and Candy” song makes me a dinosaur, but the sex and candy centric theme for Feb 14 is also on its way to extinction.

According to a recent national survey, when asked to choose between bacon and sex, 43 per cent of Canadians would choose…bacon!

The survey revealed some noteworthy differences on the Prairies. Nearly one in four of respondents (23%) from Manitoba and Saskatchewan wondered if “my partner loves bacon more than me.”

Maple Leaf commissioned this Angus Reid For the Love of Bacon survey to mark the launch of their newest product innovation, Maple Leaf Reclosable Bacon.

“We wanted to probe how deeply rooted Canadians’ passion for bacon is – and the For the Love of Bacon survey sure opened our eyes!” explained Adam Grogan, VP Marketing, Maple Leaf Foods. “Our research also told us that Canadians’ number one frustration with typical bacon packaging is that it can’t be reclosed and that it’s too messy (52%).”

Ah ha ha. He said probe. Look, I don’t mean to diminish advances in container design, but where does this preposterous need for reclosable packaging come from? It seems to suggest leftover bacon. Pshaw! I don’t know about you, but the existence of this beast is every bit as unfathomable as the concept of a fat little man-baby fluttering about shooting lust inducing darts into lover’s hearts.

Love me tender…

Before neglected partners go wrapping themselves in bacon (and I saw some less than appetizing pictures on Google when researching this article) try it on a juicy steak. Cash in on Keystone Processors Valentine’s Day special. They’ve marked tenderloins down to a “honey of a deal” at only $95 per 10lb box (that’s only $9.50/lb!).

The sale only lasts till February 14.

If the way to a man’s heart truly is through his stomach, this is a great way to say I love you.

Hiccup-burp you too, honey!